


Zodiac: The Reckoning

by Metatron



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Crubio, M/M, Obligatory Hamilton reference, Screenplay/Script Format, Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metatron/pseuds/Metatron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeb Bush discovers Ted Cruz's real identity as the Zodiac Killer, and teams up with an unlikely group of Democrats and Republicans in order to take the Zodiac down. Chaos ensues. Also, Crubio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zodiac: The Reckoning

EXT. ALLEYWAY- NIGHT  
It’s raining, hard. A man runs into the alleyway, slipping  
on the the wet pavement. He looks behind him, keeping his  
face hidden. He keeps running, dashing into another alley.  
However, it’s a dead end. The man frantically looks around,  
searching for another route out. There are none to be found.  
He finally turns around, breathing heavily, revealing that  
he is Republican presidential candidate JOHN KASICH.

KASICH  
Please, you don’t have to do this!  
I’ll do whatever you say!

At the entrance of the alley a hooded man stands, blocking  
the way. He faces downwards and holds in his hands a  
battered tire iron.

CRUZ  
It’s too late for that, John. You  
should have dropped out when you  
were told to.

KASICH  
I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just  
thought-

The hooded man looks up, revealing himself as TED CRUZ.

CRUZ  
You thought what? That you actually  
had a chance to defeat Donald? To  
defeat me? Come on. Even Bernie  
could whip your wimpy little Ohio  
ass.

KASICH  
Just...Please don’t kill me! I have  
a family! I can help you, I swear.

CRUZ  
Too little, too late, Johnny Boy.  
This party ain’t big enough for two  
candidates, let alone three.

CRUZ comes closer, shifting the tire iron in his hands.  
KASICH’s eyes widen in fear. CRUZ grins and lifts the tire  
iron over his head and then swiftly brings it down. KASICH  
screams.

TITLE CARD: ZODIAC: THE RECKONING  
CUT TO BLACK

 

EXT. BUSH HOME- DAY  
Former presidential candidate JEB BUSH sits on a bench in a  
well-landscaped yard. Despite the sunny atmosphere JEB looks  
depressed. A cat, MR. FLUFFLES, sits on the bench next to  
him.

JEB  
I just don’t know where to go from  
here, Mr. Fluffles. I was supposed  
to have this race in the bag. What  
exactly do people do once they lose  
the candidacy?

MR. FLUFFLES doesn’t seem to respond or even particularly  
care, and continues to lick his paw.

JEB  
I know, you’re right. This isn’t  
the end. I mean, Mitt is still  
around isn’t he? He even had that  
Netflix documentary and everything.

MR. FLUFFLES licks his butt.

JEB  
You’re so wise, Mr. Fluffles. I’m  
glad I at least have you as my  
friend.

JEB goes to pet the cat, but it hisses at him.

COLUMBA  
Jeb? Are you out here?

COLUMBA BUSH rushes over to where JEB is sitting. Her eyes  
are wild and teary. In her hands she grasps a phone tightly.

JEB  
Darling? What’s wrong?

COLUMBA  
It’s John Kasich. You know, the  
Governor of Ohio? He was running  
against you?

JEB  
What about him?

COLUMBA  
He’s...He’s been murdered!

JEB stands up in shock.

JEB  
What? But how?

COLUMBA  
Nobody knows! Oh Jesus, how awful  
is this?

JEB comes over and holds her in a reassuring hug.

 

EXT. GRAVEYARD- MIDDAY  
Various people stand around an open grave. Among them are  
KASICH’S WIFE, JEB, COLUMBA, TED CRUZ, HEIDI CRUZ, MARCO  
RUBIO, DONALD AND MELANIA TRUMP, and other assorted  
mourners.

MINISTER  
And now, here, we lay to rest a  
great man; John Bertram Kasich. May  
he be at peace. Amen.  
ALL  
Amen.

SHOT OF THE CRYING FACE OF KASICH’S WIFE, JEB, THE  
INDIFFERENT TED CRUZ

Later. The mourners have begun to disperse. Jeb stands close  
to the grave, paying his respects.

JEB  
I didn’t know you very well, and  
when I did, you were my opponent.  
But I do believe you were a good  
man, and you didn’t deserve this.

CRUZ comes up behind JEB, startling him.

CRUZ  
It’s so sad. He was a great  
politician.

CRUZ stands with JEB in front of the grave. JEB examines  
CRUZ’s face. CRUZ doesn’t appear sad; in fact he seems  
rather cheerful.

JEB  
Yeah. John was one of the party’s  
best.

CRUZ  
If only he had been smart and  
dropped out of the game like you,  
right?

JEB  
What’s that supposed to mean?

CRUZ  
Oh, nothing. Just an observation.  
Hey, is that Marco? I have  
something I have to speak with him  
about. I’ll talk to you later,  
Governor.

CRUZ quickly walks away towards where RUBIO is standing in  
the distance, talking with KASICH’S WIFE. JEB watches him  
go, eyes narrowed, and face scrunched like he had smelled  
something awful. DONALD TRUMP approaches JEB, with the same  
commanding walk that he used on the debate stage.

TRUMP  
Well, if it isn’t poor, little Jeb.

JEB  
What the hell do you want, Donald?  
I’m not in the race anymore.

TRUMP  
You know exactly what I want.

JEB  
Yeah, I do. I distinctly remember  
you telling me "If you don’t  
endorse me, I’m gonna assume you’re  
against me."

TRUMP  
Aww, Jeb. Can’t even take a joke.

JEB  
The problem with you is no one ever  
knows whether you’re joking or  
being serious, Trump.

TRUMP  
Oh, I’m sorry, did you say  
something? Your voice was putting  
me to sleep so I stopped listening.  
But if you decide you wanna get on  
the right side of history, you know  
where to find me.

TRUMP walks away, not waiting for JEB to reply.

JEB  
(mumbles) Prick.

 

INT. BUSH HOME- NIGHT  
JEB sits up late at night on his computer, browser open to  
the NSA database login page. The artificial light  
illuminates his face in the otherwise dark room. COLUMBA has  
gone to bed, and the only other inhabitant of the house, the  
cat MR. FLUFFLES, sits on JEB’s lap.

JEB  
Now, let’s see if my brother’s  
password still works...

He types in for the username and as  
the password. JEB sucks in a breath and wipes his damp  
forehead. The screen turns green and opens to the main  
database.

JEB  
We did it, Mr. Fluffles! Thanks for  
having confidence in me.

MR. FLUFFLES

 

JEB  
Now, let’s see what the NSA has on  
John’s death.

He pulls up a video, and presses play. In the video is CCTV  
footage of a dark, damp alleyway. Two unidentifiable men  
stand facing each other.

KASICH  
I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just  
thought-

CRUZ  
You thought what? That you actually  
had a chance to defeat Donald? To  
defeat me? Come on. Even Bernie  
could-

The video cuts out. Jeb frantically paws at the keyboard.

JEB  
What? There’s got to be another  
video! This can’t be all they have,  
Mr. Fluffles. That...that was John  
and Ted...what is going on?

His screen suddenly shorts out. It reads {UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS, CASE CLOSED. FILED, ZODIAC CASES} 

 

JEB  
No, the case can’t be closed. Ted,  
he murdered John Kasich! He  
actually murdered him! What the  
ever loving hell?

MR. FLUFFLES stretches, arching his back and yawning.

JEB  
Wait a moment...Zodiac Cases?  
That sounds familiar. Zodiac, where  
have I heard that in the news  
before?

JEB’s eyes widen in shock.

JEB  
No, it can’t be. It’s not possible.  
Ted Cruz is...the Zodiac Killer?

 

INT. APARTMENT-WASHINGTON D.C.- NIGHT  
In the Washington D.C. apartment of Speaker of the House  
PAUL RYAN, CRUZ stands at the window, looking out at the  
streets of Georgetown. He lets the curtain fall back over  
the window, and turns back around. CRUZ walks out of the  
room, passing the dead, bloodied body of PAUL RYAN on the  
bed. CRUZ grins as he leaves.

 

INT. BUSH HOME, MORNING  
JEB is on the phone with his brother GEORGE W. BUSH.

JEB  
Look, George, I’m telling you, this  
is real! This is the truth! Senator  
Cruz is a murderer!

GEORGE  
Give it a rest. You’re delusional,  
little brother. Listen, it’s still  
the stress of the campaign getting  
to you.

JEB  
I thought we agreed you wouldn’t  
bring that up!

GEORGE  
Hang up, Jeb. Go watch some porn or  
something. By next month the  
conventional will be over and we  
can put the primaries behind us.

JEB  
You’re not listening! You never  
listen!

JEB hangs up the phone angrily, and runs his hands through  
his hair.

JEB  
"You can always count on family."  
Yeah right.

 

INT. BACKSTAGE- DEMOCRATIC DEBATE-NIGHT  
It’s after the debate. BERNIE and HILARY are exiting the  
stage, both surrounded by their respective parties. BERNIE  
heads to a dressing room, waving off various aides. In the  
privacy of his dressing room, he drinks from a bottle of  
water and wipes his forehead. His cell phone rings.

BERNIE  
Hello?

CUT TO JEB, PHONING FROM A HOTEL ROOM WITH THE LIGHTS DIMMED  
AND BLINDS DRAWN.

JEB  
Is this Bernie Sanders?

BERNIE  
Yes, who is this?

JEB  
I’m Jeb Bush.

BERNIE  
Wha-

JEB cuts him off, speaking quickly and anxiously.

JEB  
Former governor of Florida? My dad  
and brother were presidents?

BERNIE  
I know who you are, Mr. Bush. How  
did you get this number?

JEB  
I asked around--look, that’s not  
important right now. I need to  
know...I need to know if I can  
count on your help. I can’t find  
anyone else to trust.

BERNIE  
So...you’re asking me? Why? Why do  
you even think I’d be able to help?  
I’m a bit preoccupied at the  
moment.

JEB  
I know, but please, just hear me  
out.

BERNIE sighs and sits down in a chair.

BERNIE  
All right, I’m listening.

 

INT. STAGE- EVENING  
RUBIO is endorsing CRUZ, after not doing so for some time.  
RUBIO stands on the stage, praising CRUZ. He looks oddly  
comfortable doing so, more comfortable than he seemed while  
suspending his campaign. CRUZ stands next to him on stage,  
looking proud.

RUBIO  
...And that’s why I’ve decided to  
endorse Senator Ted Cruz. He is the  
only one who can get this party  
back on track and the best  
candidate for President of the  
United States. Thank you.

CRUZ and the audience clap. RUBIO and CRUZ exit the stage  
together, and pass by various aides and campaign officials.  
They enter into a vacant hallway, filled with assorted props  
and stage equipment. Near CRUZ and RUBIO there is an old  
stage curtain, hanging haphazardly from the ceiling and  
leaning against the wall. CRUZ leans in close to whisper in  
RUBIO’s ear.

CRUZ  
(whispering) Shall we meet in  
yours, or mine?

RUBIO  
Yours is fine. See you in five.

RUBIO continues down the hallway, while CRUZ stops,  
watching him go. He grins a bit to himself, and then turns  
to head a different way. As he passes the curtain, JEB whips  
out from behind it and pins CRUZ to the wall.

CRUZ  
(confused, but not scared)  
What-Jeb? What in God’s name are  
you doing here?

JEB  
I know who you are. I know what you  
did!

JEB clenches his teeth, eyes blazing, and holds CRUZ harder  
against the wall. CRUZ stares back at him, revealing  
nothing.

JEB  
You killed John Kasich. You’ve  
killed dozens of others, too. I  
know the truth,  
Ted...Rafael...whatever your name  
is. You’re the Zodiac Killer.

CRUZ raises an eyebrow, and laughs.

CRUZ  
So what if I am?

JEB seems shocked that CRUZ would admit this so easily.

JEB  
But...wha-what? What do you mean,  
"so what?" You’re a murderer. A criminal. Someone like that can’t become president!

CRUZ  
Hasn’t stopped me so far.

JEB  
What are you planning to do with  
Marco? Are you going to kill him  
too?

This comment surprises CRUZ.

CRUZ  
You have no idea, do you? For all  
you think you know, there is so  
much more you don’t.

CRUZ shoves JEB off of him.

CRUZ  
Stay out of my way, or pay the  
price.

CRUZ walks out, leaving the dumbstruck JEB standing in his  
wake. When CRUZ is gone, JEB grabs his lapel, revealing a  
small microphone.

JEB  
Did you get that, Bernie?

Cut to BERNIE, sitting in front of a laptop in another hotel  
room, listening through JEB’s microphone.

BERNIE  
Yes. I can’t believe it, but I did  
get it.

JEB  
Ready to help yet?

BERNIE  
I don’t see how I could say no.

 

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER-CLEVELAND- DAY  
It’s the beginning of the Republican National Convention in  
Cleveland, Ohio. Candidates, delegates, and various  
attendees are gathering. Out of nowhere, a blast erupts from  
the building. Debris falls across the streets among  
screaming and running.

CUT TO A NEWS REPORT SHOWING COVERAGE OF THE BLAST.

REPORTER  
We have yet to receive word about  
the cause of this explosion, or who  
is behind it.

At his house, JEB watches the report in shock. BERNIE, in a  
room with his staff, also watches on a TV.

REPORTER  
We also don’t have numbers on the  
number of casualties, but we have  
been informed that both Ted Cruz  
and Donald Trump are alive and  
unhurt.

CRUZ is also watching, alone in a dressing room. When he  
hears that TRUMP has survived, he screams and throws the  
remote at the television in anger.

 

INT. CLEVELAND AIRPORT- DAY  
JEB paces back and forth. He waits anxiously in a conference  
room that looks out on airplanes waiting at gates. A door  
opens, and BERNIE enters.

BERNIE  
This is madness. Your plan will  
never work. You say we need to get  
to the Convention Center, but the  
streets are in chaos. It’s  
impossible.

JEB  
If we don’t take down Cruz, then  
who will? I’ve tried to talk to the  
authorities. They won’t listen, not  
even to me. All of them are either  
sworn to Trump, who wants to see us  
burn, or Cruz.

BERNIE  
You know what, I’m not gonna try to  
understand. None of this makes any  
sense.

The door opens again, and in steps HILLARY CLINTON, wielding  
a shotgun.

HILLARY  
I’m coming too.

JEB  
What? How did you get here? Bernie,  
did you invite her?

BERNIE  
What, no!

GEORGE  
No, I did.

GEORGE W. BUSH dressed in military fatigues enters the room,  
followed by BILL CLINTON, brandishing a missile launcher.

GEORGE  
I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,  
little brother.

JEB  
What the actual fuck is happening?

BERNIE  
Language!

BILL  
George called me, one president to  
another. This is no longer about  
party politics, this is about  
protecting the soul of our nation.

HILLARY  
A killer can’t become the leader of  
the country, no matter what party  
they are. We’re going to help you  
take Cruz down.

JEB looks around, examining the motley crew of politicians  
in the room, and shakes his head. Even after every crazy  
thing that had happened during this campaign, this is a bit  
much.

JEB  
Well, all right. Let’s get started.

 

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER-CLEVELAND- DAY  
JEB, GEORGE, BERNIE, BILL, and HILLARY run towards the  
entrance to the convention center. BILL has painted his face  
with war paint and brandishes his missile launcher above his  
head.

BILL  
Yeaaaaaa! Prepare to feel the Rage  
of Arkansas!

HILLARY  
Don’t.

JEB wheezes, jogging behind the others.

JEB  
Why couldn’t we have taken a car??

BERNIE  
Let’s move, people!

They run inside, through the crowd still gathered around the  
building, trying to enter.

CIVILIAN #1  
Hey, was that George W Bush? And  
the Clintons?

 

CIVILIAN #2  
Naw, it was probably just some  
cosplayers. C’mon, we’ve got to  
finish building this pyre!

The CIVILIANS add more wood to a pyre. Then they haul out a  
dummy of Obama and hoist it up on top of the wood.

 

INT. CONVENTION CENTER- MAIN STAGE- DAY  
Despite the chaos, the Republicans have still decided to  
hold their convention. Part of the roof at the main stage  
has fallen in and is flaming, but they don’t seem to care.  
Many of the attendants wield assault rifles. RUBIO, HEIDI  
CRUZ and TED CRUZ stand on stage, RUBIO giving another  
address praising CRUZ. TRUMP is nowhere to be seen.

RUBIO  
We need a leader who-

JEB and his gang rush unto the stage.

JEB  
Wait! Stop!

CRUZ  
Jeb? What is this?

JEB grabs the microphone.

JEB  
Ladies and gentlemen! I have  
something to say! This may come as  
a shock, but I feel that I have no  
choice but to reveal the truth  
about Senator Cruz.

CRUZ  
Don’t do this. I’m warning you.

JEB’s eyes fill with fury.

JEB  
Ladies and gentlemen, Senator Cruz  
is-

RUBIO surges forward and grabs the microphone, shoving JEB  
to the side.

RUBIO  
Senator Cruz and I are having an  
affair!

Everybody falls silent in shock.

JEB  
What?!?

GEORGE AND THE OTHERS  
What?!?

HEIDI CRUZ  
WHAT?!?

 

RUBIO  
It’s true!

JEB  
(quietly) That...that isn’t what I  
was going to say...

RUBIO  
It’s...not?

JEB  
No, I was gonna say that Ted Cruz  
is the Zodiac Killer!

RUBIO almost drops the microphone in shock.

RUBIO  
WHAT?!?

CRUZ  
Well, uh, this is awkward.

At this moment, TRUMP rises from beneath the stage, clad in  
mecha-robot armor.

TRUMP  
Oh, hello, losers. Like my armor?  
My army of underlings made it for  
me. It’s HUGE!

CRUZ  
...Trump?

TRUMP  
You tried to kill me. That’s the  
last mistake you’ll ever make.

CRUZ  
It doesn’t matter. I’m the Zodiac  
Killer! I’ve murdered dozens. You  
don’t scare me.

 

TRUMP  
But I have more murders, I have the  
best murders. I know murderers  
better than you that you’ve never  
even heard of.

HILLARY yells and fires her shotgun at TRUMP.

HILLARY  
I’ve had just about enough of you!

The bullet ricochets off TRUMP’s armor harmlessly. He  
laughs.

TRUMP  
I could say the same about you.

TRUMP fires a laser blast at HILLARY, but she dives out of  
the way, somersaults, and lands in a crouch, firing the  
shotgun again at TRUMP’s head. The bullet scrapes TRUMP’s  
cheek, causing him to wince in pain.

TRUMP  
You bitch!

BILL  
Hey, don’t say that to my wife,  
asshole.

BILL aims his missile launcher threateningly at TRUMP.  
Sensing a battle coming, the others get into position.  
GEORGE readies throwing stars, BERNIE has miraculously found  
a katana and holds it in front of him, MARCO pulls out a  
pair of handguns hidden in his suit pockets, and TED opens  
his trench coat to reveal a variety of knives.

GEORGE  
You’re going down, Donald.

JEB gawks at his companions, weaponless.

JEB  
Am I the only one who didn’t come  
prepared for this?

HEIDI  
Jeb! Catch!

HEIDI CRUZ tosses a pool cue to JEB. He looks down at it,  
and then back up at her.

JEB  
What am I supposed to do with this?

TRUMP prepares the rockets on his armor, ready to fire. He  
laughs at JEB.

TRUMP  
Poor, clueless Jeb. All to easy to  
manipulate. Who knew that all I  
needed to bring the country to its  
knees was you?

Gripping the pool cue tighter, JEB stares down TRUMP.

JEB  
I would never do anything to help  
you. I love this country, and I  
will protect it!

TRUMP  
You been helping me this whole  
time. Who else would be able to get  
all of you here, now? Oh Jeb, you  
don’t really believe that Lyin’ Ted  
killed Kasich, do you?

JEB turns to CRUZ, who simply shrugs his shoulders.

CRUZ  
You accused me of killing John, but  
I never said I actually did it.

JEB  
But, I saw you! On the video, I  
saw-

TRUMP grins widely. The skin on his face appears to bubble  
and shift, rearranging to look exactly like CRUZ’s.

RUBIO  
But...that’s not possible!

TRUMP  
You all were too busy to see the  
truth.

JEB  
Who...what are you?

TRUMP’s face shifts again, this time to resemble that of MR.  
FLUFFLES!

JEB  
Mr. Fluffles! NO! IT CAN’T BE TRUE!

TRUMP  
Yes! The Order of Meow shall rise  
at last!

JEB  
You bastard! I trusted you!

JEB charges at MR.FLUFFLES/TRUMP, yelling and swinging the  
pool cue. However, TRUMP swats him aside easily. JEB falls  
to the ground, unconscious. The others charge into battle  
after JEB. A battle of epic proportions commences. Throwing  
stars sail through the air, bullets and missiles fly, laser  
blasts shoot everywhere.

MARCO  
Eat lead, you whiskered monster!

BERNIE  
FEEL THE BERN!!!

The politicians execute a sequence of increasingly  
unreasonable action moves, with lots of gymnastics and  
kicking.

TED  
You face the wrath of the Zodiac!

From a pile of rubble, JEB finally comes to. He holds his  
head, and searches around for his glasses. When he finds  
them, a lens is broken, but JEB still puts his glasses back  
on. Next to him lies the pool cue. JEB reaches out and  
grasps it, brushing off some dust from the rubble around  
him.

JEB  
What am I doing? I can’t fight. I  
can’t win.

He looks around, taking in all of his comrades fighting  
around him. They’re fighting hard, but TRUMP is still  
beating them. JEB watches as GEORGE attacks TRUMP. A laser  
blast strikes GEORGE and he collapses.

JEB  
No!

JEB looks down at the pool cue in his hands, and back up at  
the scene.

JEB  
We have to finish this. For the  
sake of America we have to finish  
this!

He twirls the pool cue before holding it above his head as  
if it were a sword.

JEB  
I’m not throwing away my shot!

With those words, the pool cue erupts with flames and  
releases the ghosts of ALEXANDER HAMILTON, GEORGE  
WASHINGTON, THOMAS JEFFERSON, and the other founding  
fathers! The ghosts seem initially confused as to how they  
came to be in this place, but then see the politicians  
attacking TRUMP and understand.

WASHINGTON  
You, sir, are not what we died for!  
Take him down!

HAMILTON  
For the Revolution! For America!

The ghosts swarm TRUMP and he begins to turn to a pile of  
Big Macs, screaming. When TRUMP is nothing but a pile of  
hamburgers, the ghosts dissipate. WASHINGTON is the last to  
go, giving a final salute to JEB. JEB, still holding the  
pool cue, salutes back. Then he looks around at the  
destruction around him. He hears a shout.

BERNIE  
Jeb?

JEB  
You’re alive!

HILLARY and BILL emerge from the rubble.

HILLARY  
We all are. Amazingly.

BERNIE  
What do we do now?

CLOSEUP OF JEB’S FACE.

JEB  
Well...

 

INT. JAIL CELL-DAY  
CRUZ is thrown violently into a jail cell. He holds the  
bars, and yells.

CRUZ  
You can’t do this to me! I helped  
you! The Zodiac cannot be defeated!

 

EXT. BUSH HOME- DAY  
JEB and BERNIE stand in the yard, admiring the Florida palm  
trees.

BERNIE  
Trump and Cruz are gone. I never  
thought I’d live to see the day.

JEB  
Neither did I.

BERNIE  
Where do we go from here?

They walk through the yard, side by side.

JEB  
I don’t know. My party is  
decimated. We don’t even have Paul  
Ryan anymore, he was found several  
days ago when someone reported a  
pack of feral wolves ravishing his  
condo.

BERNIE  
Feral wolves? In D.C.?

JEB  
Apparently. What are you going to  
do, Bernie?

They stop at the bench and sit.

BERNIE  
Well, technically I’m not supposed  
to tell anyone yet, but Hillary  
ceded the race to me. I’m now the  
only major candidate  
running...which means...

JEB  
Oh, wow! Congratulations! I may not  
agree with you on everything, but I  
know you’ll still be an amazing  
president.

BERNIE  
Don’t speak too soon. I haven’t won  
the election yet.

JEB  
But why did Hillary drop out? She  
seemed so committed.

HILLARY  
Why don’t you ask her yourself?

HILLARY, BILL, MARCO, and GEORGE enter.

JEB  
Oh, hello! You didn’t tell me y’all  
were coming.

BILL  
It was supposed to be a surprise.  
We’ve come to ask you something.

JEB rises from the bench.

JEB  
What is it? Does it have to do with  
why you ceded the race?

HILLARY  
It does, in fact. You see, Jeb,  
we’ve decided that this experience  
was a wakeup call. People who  
should absolutely never become  
president almost did.

MARCO  
We were blind...I was blind. I  
chose to love the wrong person, and  
it almost destroyed all of us. But  
we’ve been given a new chance.

GEORGE  
Look, little brother, what we’re  
trying to say here is that we’re  
putting a sort of team together. To  
protect the country.

JEB’s eyes widen, and he appears to be torn between standing  
slack-jawed with surprise and bursting out laughing.

JEB  
Like superheroes? Like, I don’t  
know, the Avengers?

GEORGE  
Exactly. America needs our  
help. We’ve proven that we can be  
the heroes this country needs. We  
can defend this nation, all of us.  
Together.

GEORGE holds out his hand. The others look on.

GEORGE  
So, what do you say, little  
brother?

JEB looks at his brother’s hand, and then at the other  
politicians. He seems to hesitate for a moment, and then  
reaches towards GEORGE’S hand.

JEB  
That’s...

Abruptly he pulls his hand back.

JEB  
That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever  
heard.

GEORGE  
...Oh. Okay then.

The politicians gathered around the yard look deflated and a  
bit disappointed.

JEB  
Yeah, I’m just going to go adopt a  
new cat. Later.

JEB exits, leaving the others in his yard confused and  
standing in silence.

BERNIE  
Well, I don’t know about you, but  
I’m leaving. I have to go to the  
bathroom.

FADE TO BLACK.


End file.
